Control Circles

Control is something that comes up often during my sessions. Survivors have had their power taken away from them in the worst ways, and regaining control in their life can be difficult. It's even harder for teenagers, who already have little control in their lives as it is. When clients tell me how they are feeling overwhelmed due to feeling like they have little control in their lives, I have the create "Control Circles".

On a sheet of paper I have the client draw a small circle, and a bigger circle around it. In the center circle, I have them write all the things they can control (sometimes they may need help this section; if they are having difficulty, ask them if they can control what they eat, what they wear, how they handle their feelings, how they treat others, etc.). On the outside circle, I have them write things that they can't control in their lives (try to gently direct them to keep it more on an individual level of things that affect them, otherwise they may have a pretty big list of things that may not actually be currently affecting them, such as war).

Most of the time people will list more things they can control than they can't. In this case, this activity is a great tool to help them keep things in perspective. Remind them that although they may feel overwhelmed by the things they can't control, they still have more power in their life than they realize. If a person lists more things out of their control than in their control, use it as an opportunity to assist them in exploring what they could do or change to help them feel more in control (i.e. setting boundaries, time management, cooking, etc.).

I have found this to be useful for working with both teens and adults. Idea inspired from The Creative Counselor

Termination Tree

I recently terminated with a client, and wanted to make a special ritual for our last session. I printed out a picture of a tree (or you can have the client draw or paint their own tree), and told my client that on each branch, I wanted him to write different things he's learned in counseling.

It's a great way to help your client review how far they've come, what kinds of progress they've made, and opens up for discussion any concerns or thoughts they may have.

He discussed his long-term plans for maintaining his progress. He was very thankful for all the interactive activities we did, and was so proud of himself (and he had every right to be)! It was a very touching ending to our therapeutic relationship.

You can find where I got the idea and picture from here

Using Poetry

As I’ve stated before, I love poetry therapy. “Broken” by Becky Birtha, a survivor of sexual abuse, is a poem I like to use with sexual violence survivors, especially of childhood sexual abuse.

When discussing a poem with client, I first ask them their feelings about the poem and whether they enjoyed it or not. If they did, I ask them to explain to me how they feel the poem is relevant to their life or their situation. We examine the lines that really stick out to them and why they are easy to relate to.

Poems and song lyrics (especially for teenagers) can be such a powerful counseling tool. Being able to see your thoughts, situation, feelings, etc. put on paper by someone else makes you feel less alone. And sometimes it’s comforting for people to see their thoughts explained in a way that they weren’t able to.

Life Timeline

This is an activity I love doing with clients of all ages. It's called a life timeline. On the left side of the timeline, the client inserts points with significant events that happened in their past. For example, the client might put how at 3 years old they moved to another state, 8 years old they joined a soccer team, 12 years old they tried drugs for the first time, etc. On the right side, the client inserts points with goals they have for their future. I posted an example in the second photo.

When doing this activity with adults, it allows them to reflect on how far they've come and how strong they are to be able to survive so much. When doing this activity with teens, it allows them to see that they still have a whole life ahead of them, and that they've only experienced a small bit of what life has to offer.

You can find a life timeline template here

Trauma Masks

People experiencing trauma tend to feel one way on the inside, but display a totally different person on the outside. Trauma Masks are a great way for trauma survivors to illustrate that.

Give your client a blank mask outline. On the front side of the mask, have them illustrate how they feel others see them. On the back side of the mask, have them illustrate how they view themselves/how they feel inside. You can imagine the striking differences you’ll see!

Explore the differences on the masks together and discuss the meaning of any pictures or words they used. Try asking about the feelings they have when they look at the masks. You may get a lot more insight into the person than you ever would have expected!

 Picture from here.

I Am Poem

I am a big advocate for the use of poetry therapy, and have found it to be a very useful tool for counseling. This particular poetic technique is called an "I Am" poem. The poem is a fill-in-the-blank exercise, which is great for clients who don't feel confident to write a free write a poem of their own.

I have had many clients question their identity. They feel like their abuser or perpetrator has taken away their true self, and they are left feeling broken. Oftentimes survivors of sexual violence will say how they feel like they died during the sexual trauma, and they just wish they could go back to "normal".

This poem is a simple and effective tool to help clients really think about who they are. Many of my clients have learned something new about themselves when filling in the blanks, and it left them feeling excited!

Image used from here

Regaining Closure

Most of us have had people in our lives that hurt us, and we never got the chance to tell them how we truly feel. Imagine being a survivor, where people have hurt you in some of the worst ways imaginable. Survivors often have mixed emotions towards their perpetrators: anger, hurt, sadness, maybe even love if they were close with the perpetrator or were related to them. Holding these feelings deep inside without finding a healthy release can lead to many physical and emotional issues.

Recently I was working with a client who was sexually abused by a family member. I told her to write a letter to him that we wouldn't send. The letter could be as short as one page or as long as 10 pages; the length didn't matter, what mattered is that she felt she wrote to him everything she needed to say. I also told her that I wouldn't read it unless she gave me permission.

The next week she brought in her 2 page letter. In the letter, she discussed her feelings towards the perpetrator and how his actions have affected her life. The letter ended with hope for her future. After processing how it was for her to write the letter, I told her we were going to have a funeral for it. She could dispose of any way she wanted (except burning, due to fire hazards). She chose to use the shredder in the office. I asked if she had any last words, and allowed her to shred the letter herself.

When I asked how she was feeling, she stated that she felt a weight had been lifted. She couldn't believe how something so simple as writing a letter could make her feel so free. She has even decided to continue doing this ritual on her own!