Using Poetry

As I’ve stated before, I love poetry therapy. “Broken” by Becky Birtha, a survivor of sexual abuse, is a poem I like to use with sexual violence survivors, especially of childhood sexual abuse.

When discussing a poem with client, I first ask them their feelings about the poem and whether they enjoyed it or not. If they did, I ask them to explain to me how they feel the poem is relevant to their life or their situation. We examine the lines that really stick out to them and why they are easy to relate to.

Poems and song lyrics (especially for teenagers) can be such a powerful counseling tool. Being able to see your thoughts, situation, feelings, etc. put on paper by someone else makes you feel less alone. And sometimes it’s comforting for people to see their thoughts explained in a way that they weren’t able to.

Life Timeline

This is an activity I love doing with clients of all ages. It's called a life timeline. On the left side of the timeline, the client inserts points with significant events that happened in their past. For example, the client might put how at 3 years old they moved to another state, 8 years old they joined a soccer team, 12 years old they tried drugs for the first time, etc. On the right side, the client inserts points with goals they have for their future. I posted an example in the second photo.

When doing this activity with adults, it allows them to reflect on how far they've come and how strong they are to be able to survive so much. When doing this activity with teens, it allows them to see that they still have a whole life ahead of them, and that they've only experienced a small bit of what life has to offer.

You can find a life timeline template here

Trauma Masks

People experiencing trauma tend to feel one way on the inside, but display a totally different person on the outside. Trauma Masks are a great way for trauma survivors to illustrate that.

Give your client a blank mask outline. On the front side of the mask, have them illustrate how they feel others see them. On the back side of the mask, have them illustrate how they view themselves/how they feel inside. You can imagine the striking differences you’ll see!

Explore the differences on the masks together and discuss the meaning of any pictures or words they used. Try asking about the feelings they have when they look at the masks. You may get a lot more insight into the person than you ever would have expected!

 Picture from here.

I Am Poem

I am a big advocate for the use of poetry therapy, and have found it to be a very useful tool for counseling. This particular poetic technique is called an "I Am" poem. The poem is a fill-in-the-blank exercise, which is great for clients who don't feel confident to write a free write a poem of their own.

I have had many clients question their identity. They feel like their abuser or perpetrator has taken away their true self, and they are left feeling broken. Oftentimes survivors of sexual violence will say how they feel like they died during the sexual trauma, and they just wish they could go back to "normal".

This poem is a simple and effective tool to help clients really think about who they are. Many of my clients have learned something new about themselves when filling in the blanks, and it left them feeling excited!

Image used from here

Regaining Closure

Most of us have had people in our lives that hurt us, and we never got the chance to tell them how we truly feel. Imagine being a survivor, where people have hurt you in some of the worst ways imaginable. Survivors often have mixed emotions towards their perpetrators: anger, hurt, sadness, maybe even love if they were close with the perpetrator or were related to them. Holding these feelings deep inside without finding a healthy release can lead to many physical and emotional issues.

Recently I was working with a client who was sexually abused by a family member. I told her to write a letter to him that we wouldn't send. The letter could be as short as one page or as long as 10 pages; the length didn't matter, what mattered is that she felt she wrote to him everything she needed to say. I also told her that I wouldn't read it unless she gave me permission.

The next week she brought in her 2 page letter. In the letter, she discussed her feelings towards the perpetrator and how his actions have affected her life. The letter ended with hope for her future. After processing how it was for her to write the letter, I told her we were going to have a funeral for it. She could dispose of any way she wanted (except burning, due to fire hazards). She chose to use the shredder in the office. I asked if she had any last words, and allowed her to shred the letter herself.

When I asked how she was feeling, she stated that she felt a weight had been lifted. She couldn't believe how something so simple as writing a letter could make her feel so free. She has even decided to continue doing this ritual on her own!

Survivor's Strength

Many of my clients tell me they feel weak. They feel like a failure. They feel broken; like damaged goods. I am incredibly sincere when I tell them that survivors are some of the STRONGEST people I know. Survivors have gone through some of the most terrible, unimaginable violations to their souls and bodies, yet they get up in the morning and try to put the pieces back together. I tell them that the fact that they are coming into my office, willing to discuss the horrors they've been through, show incredibly strength and resilience. There is life after trauma!

Emotions Worksheet

When working with survivors of sexual or domestic violence, especially teenagers, they can be very slow to open up. Many survivors are understandably weary about trusting people. When working with survivors of sexual violence, many of them will say they do not like to think about or talk about what has happened to them. This leaves many counselors wondering how they can approach the subject.

I tell all my clients that they do not have to tell me any details they don’t feel comfortable. It’s not about process the event(s), it’s about processing their feelings around what happened. As soon as I say this, many of my clients begin to visibly relax.

So how can you get the conversation about their feelings started? I use this worksheet that lists many different feelings, and have them circle which ones apply to them. I then discuss each emotion they have circled and how it is affecting their life. This has been especially useful with teenagers!